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Finding a great nanny is a huge win – but the journey doesn’t end at hiring. The next challenge is nurturing a positive, long-term relationship with your nanny. When parents and nannies form a strong partnership, it leads to better care for the children, a happier household, and greater job satisfaction for the nanny. Many Los Angeles families treat their nannies as both employees and cherished members of the family. Striking that balance of warmth and professionalism is key. In this post, we’ll share tips on how to foster mutual respect, open communication, and longevity in your nanny-family relationship.
Clarity is the foundation of any good relationship. From day one (even day zero), communicate your expectations clearly. This means having a thorough work agreement or nanny contract that outlines schedule, duties, pay and benefits, house rules, etc., which both you and the nanny agree on. It’s much easier to maintain a good relationship when everyone knows what’s expected. For instance, if you expect the nanny to do the children’s laundry every Wednesday, make sure that’s understood upfront. As Premier Nanny Source puts it, clear expectations act like a “GPS” for your relationship, guiding both parties in the right direction.
Discuss things like discipline philosophy, screen time rules, dietary restrictions for the kids, bedtime routines – all the specifics of how you want your children cared for. Also, clarify boundaries: is the nanny welcome to any food in the fridge? (Most families say yes, of course – a hungry nanny can’t do their best!). Can they have visitors (likely no during work hours, but maybe their own child occasionally, depending on your arrangement)? Clarify the use of your home and anything unique (like “please remove shoes inside” or “you can use our Netflix account to play kids’ shows, but no adult TV during work”, etc.).
Putting expectations in writing (a handbook or even an email summary) can be helpful. It provides a reference if any question arises. This might feel formal, but it prevents misunderstandings that could otherwise breed resentment. A nanny who knows exactly what her role entails is more likely to meet your expectations, and she’ll feel more secure in her job.
Communication is the lifeblood of a successful nanny-parent relationship. Create an environment where both you and your nanny feel comfortable speaking up. Regular check-ins are a great practice – perhaps a 10-minute chat at the end of each week to discuss how the week went, or a more formal sit-down once a month. Use these times to give feedback (both positive and constructive) and to invite the nanny’s feedback. Ask how she feels things are going, or if she has noticed anything with the kids that you might want to know (e.g., “I think James might be ready to start potty training soon, he’s been showing signs.”).
A technique some families use is a communication notebook or daily log, especially for infants and toddlers. The nanny can note what the child ate, sleep times, diapers, activities, etc. It’s not just data – it shows you a window into their day and can be a basis for conversation (“I saw Emma was cranky this morning and only napped 30 minutes – thanks for noting that, maybe she’s teething, I’ll check.”).
Be honest and respectful in communication. If something is bothering you, bring it up sooner rather than letting it fester. For example, if you notice the nanny has been arriving 5-10 minutes late frequently, have a conversation: “I wanted to check in on mornings – is 8:00 still working for you? I noticed a few late arrivals. We really rely on you at 8 sharp so we can leave for work on time. Is there anything we can adjust to help?” This approach is non-confrontational but addresses the issue.
Likewise, encourage your nanny to voice concerns. She should feel safe telling you if, say, your child’s behavior has been particularly challenging or if she feels overloaded with duties. One Chicago nanny agency blog noted that having space to check in and feeling valued makes nannies more likely to stay long-term
. Simple things like asking, “How are you feeling about everything? Anything you need to do your job better?” can go a long way.
Keep communication professional but empathetic. Think of it like you and the nanny are a team raising your child together. Share milestones and give her credit: “Sophie finally said her first word! That’s thanks to all the talking and reading you’ve been doing with her.” When lines of communication are open, little problems stay little and the good stuff gets amplified.
A unique aspect of nanny-family relationships is that they can become very close – after all, your nanny works in your home and cares deeply for your kids. That closeness is wonderful, but it’s important to maintain healthy boundaries. On the one hand, you want to treat your nanny like part of the family; on the other, remember it’s her job and she has a life outside of work.
Respect your nanny’s personal time. For example, if her day ends at 5 PM, avoid habitually calling or texting her after hours about minor things (unless she’s okay with it). Try not to make last-minute changes that infringe on her off time, such as late stays, without discussing it. If you do have an emergency and need her to stay late, be very appreciative and offer extra pay or time off in return. One San Diego agency advises: your nanny has her own family, errands, maybe classes – so be mindful and avoid asking them to work outside of regular hours unless truly necessary
.
Also, respect the work boundaries during the day. If you work from home, avoid micromanaging or stepping in constantly – that can undermine her authority with the kids. If you trust her, let her handle things when she’s on duty, and establish a signal for when (and if) she should loop you in (for example, you might say “Only interrupt my work if it’s urgent or an emergency, otherwise I trust you fully”).
Maintain professional boundaries in terms of responsibilities too. It’s easy over time to add “just one more thing” to the nanny’s plate (like errands, extra housework), especially as she becomes like family. But remember the job she signed up for. If you do need to modify duties, discuss and perhaps adjust compensation accordingly. Don’t assume she’ll just handle tasks way beyond her role without checking.
At the same time, boundaries mean protecting your nanny’s role as well. For instance, if grandparents or friends are visiting and tend to boss the nanny around differently, step in and clarify: “We’ve asked Maria to do it this way, and we trust her, so let’s stick to that.” Show that you have her back.
Privacy boundaries are important too: Your nanny often learns a lot about your family’s personal life. Treat each other’s privacy with respect. Don’t gossip about your nanny to other parents (the community can be small!). And expect the same professionalism from her regarding your family matters.
By maintaining boundaries, you actually nurture mutual respect – the nanny feels respected as a professional, and you as the employer retain structure in the relationship. As Premier Nanny Source charmingly put it, boundaries are like a superhero’s force field protecting the relationship
– they keep things healthy and focused on what matters: the children.
Nannies are caregivers, teachers, boo-boo fixers, and so much more. Over time, it’s easy to start taking all they do for granted – but regularly showing appreciation is vital for a long-term relationship. A nanny who feels valued is likely to stay longer and continue to give her best.
Appreciation can be shown in many ways:
Say thank you often. A simple, heartfelt “Thank you for everything you do” at the end of the week, or “I really appreciate how you handled that tantrum today, I know it wasn’t easy,” affirms her work. Don’t assume she knows – verbalize it. One agency blog noted that a little gratitude goes a long way
.
Acknowledge special efforts. Did she go above and beyond to finish a project with your child or handle a messy situation? Recognize it: “I noticed you organized the art shelf – that was so thoughtful and helpful, thank you!”
Include her in family moments (appropriately). If you’re celebrating your child’s birthday, invite the nanny to the party (and don’t expect her to work during it – unless previously arranged, she should be a guest). Little gestures like giving her a framed photo of her with your child on a special occasion can be very meaningful.
Gifts and Bonuses: While not mandatory, many families give holiday bonuses or tokens of appreciation on work anniversaries. In Los Angeles, a common holiday bonus is one to two weeks’ pay. Also consider birthday gifts or acknowledging National Nanny Recognition Week (in September) with a card or gift. It’s not about material things per se, but these gestures clearly signal “you matter to us.” If a raise isn’t due yet, a small bonus mid-year as a thank-you for excellent work can boost morale.
Professional Development: Another form of appreciation is investing in your nanny’s growth. If she’s interested, you might pay for her to attend a nanny workshop or child CPR re-certification, or even send her to a local conference or class. This shows you value her as a professional.
Remember to involve your children in showing appreciation too. Encourage them to draw pictures or write notes for the nanny on occasion. A hug from a child or an excited “Look what I drew for you!” can be the purest form of thanks to a caregiver.
On the flip side, if you have concerns or criticisms, deliver them with respect and constructiveness. Overly harsh or personal criticism can damage the relationship. Stick to issues and how to solve them together, rather than attacking character.
One practical but important aspect of a long-term relationship is ensuring your nanny is compensated fairly, and adjusting that over time. Regular raises and benefits are part of showing that long-term commitment (we have a whole post on when/how to give raises). In brief, if your nanny has been with you a year or more and is doing a great job, consider giving a raise to acknowledge her growing experience and loyalty
. As Indeed data suggests, many employers give around a 5% annual raise or a bump of $1-2/hour each year
. Also, if your family grows (new baby) or job duties increase significantly, a pay increase or title bump (to “nanny and family assistant”) is important for fairness and to keep the nanny motivated.
Benefits like paid time off, sick days, and health insurance contributions greatly increase job satisfaction. If you started with say 5 days vacation, by year 3 you might bump it to 10 days as a reward for loyalty.
Professional growth might include helping your nanny pursue certifications (like Newborn Care Specialist training if you have a new baby, and she’s interested). Maybe grant a paid day to attend a child development seminar. A respected, growing nanny is a happy nanny.
Also, treat things like performance reviews as a two-way, positive discussion rather than a dreaded critique. Many families do an annual review to formally discuss how things are going and future expectations – this can be when a raise is given, and goals are set for the next year (like “start potty training by summer” – which you’ll tackle as a team).
While maintaining boundaries as discussed, you also want your nanny to feel included and appreciated as a person. Little ways to do this:
Children, notably, will often form a deep emotional attachment to their nanny if she’s with you long-term. Embrace that. Some insecure parents worry a close nanny means they’re less the “favorite”, but a secure parent knows that a child can never have too much love. If your little one runs to hug the nanny hello in the morning, that’s a wonderful thing. It means your child feels safe and loved by the caregiver you chose. It doesn’t diminish your role at all. In fact, it reflects well on you for facilitating that loving environment.
Show your child that you and the nanny are a team: occasionally do activities together, or at pick-up time, have a few minutes of three-way play or conversation so the child sees unity. This also helps with transitions (child isn’t bouncing between two completely separate authority figures with different worlds – instead it’s a cooperative network of adults caring for them).
No relationship is without hiccups. Maybe there’s a disagreement or a life change (nanny needs to move her schedule for a class, or your job changes requiring different hours). Approach challenges as a team problem to solve, not an adversarial situation. If conflicts arise, address them directly but kindly. Listen to your nanny’s perspective. Perhaps she’s feeling overwhelmed because the baby’s needs have increased but her hours stayed the same – you might realize you need to tweak something (like start dinner prep yourself so she’s not doing it all). Or if you feel something is off, bring it up like, “I noticed you seemed a bit down this week, is everything okay? Anything we can adjust?” She might open up that she’s having a personal issue, or maybe she felt hurt by something unintentional you did.
Approach problems with empathy: “When challenges arise, tackle them like the superhero team you are!” as one resource cheerfully says. That means not blaming, but focusing on solutions. For serious issues (though hopefully you never encounter, like dishonesty or safety concerns), address immediately and decisively – but those are rare in a well-vetted hire. Most long-term nannies and families say their rough patches were resolved by talking it out and often laughing about miscommunications once resolved.
As years go by, your nanny will accumulate invaluable knowledge about your child and household. In a long-term relationship, it truly becomes a partnership. She might start anticipating things you need before you ask – appreciate that initiative. Include her in some family decisions that affect her, like “We’re thinking of enrolling Jake in a preschool program; what do you think? Would that be helpful or do you have suggestions since you know his daytime routine so well?” This doesn’t mean she makes the decisions, but valuing her insight shows trust.
Long-term nannies often love the kids deeply – some even stay in touch for life, attending their high school graduations, etc. Encourage that bond. If your nanny goes above and beyond over the years, acknowledge major milestones. Perhaps after 5 years with you, you throw a surprise thank-you party or give a special gift (maybe extra days off and tickets for her and her spouse to a show or something she loves).
Finally, part of a positive long-term relationship is also knowing when to say goodbye graciously, if the time comes (for instance, child goes to school and you no longer need a full-time nanny, or the nanny’s life takes her elsewhere). How you handle the end is as important as the beginning. Give ample notice, offer severance or help finding her next job (letters of recommendation, networking with other parents), and celebrate your time together so the children understand the transition positively.
By implementing all these practices – clear expectations, open communication, respect, appreciation, fairness, and inclusion – you create an environment where your nanny feels valued and happy. In return, she is motivated to give her best and stay with your family as the children grow. The end result is stability and love for your kids, which is the ultimate goal. A positive nanny-family relationship truly becomes a win-win-win (for you, the nanny, and most of all the children).
Remember, a great nanny isn’t just an employee; she can become a trusted partner in parenting and a beloved figure in your child’s life. Many parents in Los Angeles will tell you their nanny became “like family.” By following the tips above, you can cultivate that kind of wonderful, long-lasting relationship.
