What to Do When Your Nanny and Child Are Not Bonding
Most children take two to six weeks to warm up to a new nanny. If your child is still resisting at the 6-week mark, the issue is worth examining, but it does not automatically mean the placement is wrong.
Quick Answer
Most children take two to six weeks to warm up to a new nanny. If your child is still resisting at the 6-week mark, the issue is worth examining, but it does not automatically mean the placement is wrong.
Most children take two to six weeks to warm up to a new nanny. If your child is still resisting at the 6-week mark, the issue is worth examining, but it does not automatically mean the placement is wrong.
What Normal Adjustment Looks Like
Crying at drop-off, clinginess, and asking for a parent repeatedly are typical in the first two to three weeks, especially for children under three. This is attachment behavior, not evidence of a problem. Most children settle into a routine once they learn the nanny's presence is predictable and safe.
Signs the Adjustment Is Taking Too Long
After six weeks, you would expect to see genuine comfort: the child seeking the nanny for play and comfort, positive engagement during the day, and no consistent distress at parent departure. If none of this is present, look at whether the issue is style, environment, or fit.
Style Mismatch vs. Fit Problem
A style mismatch means the nanny is caring and present but operates differently than your child needs. Some children need high energy and constant engagement. Others need a quieter, more structured presence. Style mismatches are often fixable through direct conversation and adjusted expectations.
A fit problem is different. If your child consistently shows fear, avoidance, or regression specifically around the nanny, that warrants a more serious conversation and potentially an observation.
What to Do First
Have a direct, private conversation with your nanny. Describe specifically what you are observing, not "they do not seem to like you" but "I have noticed they pull away at pickup and have not yet initiated play independently." Ask how the nanny experiences the relationship and what they have tried. A confident nanny who cares about the child will have observations and ideas. Defensive deflection is a red flag.
When to Involve the Agency
If the conversation does not produce change within one to two weeks, contact your placement agency. A good agency will facilitate a three-way check-in, review the situation objectively, and help you decide whether this is adjustable or whether a replacement process should begin. Do not wait out a poor fit past the guarantee window.
Frequently asked questions
How often should I give my nanny a raise?
Annual raises are standard. In Los Angeles, experienced nannies typically receive $1 to $2 per hour annually or 3 to 5% of their current rate. If their pay has fallen below market rate, a one-time adjustment to market followed by annual increments is appropriate.
What is the most common reason nannies leave?
Pay that has not kept pace with market rates, scope creep without compensation adjustment, consistent boundary violations like routine overtime or last-minute schedule changes, and feeling that their work is not acknowledged. Most of these are preventable.
How do I handle a disagreement with my nanny?
Address it directly and privately, as soon as possible. Be specific about the behavior you observed, not a character judgment. Most nannies respond well to direct, respectful feedback. Letting issues build without addressing them is the most common source of sudden resignations.
Should I give my nanny paid vacation?
California requires a minimum of 5 paid sick days per year. Paid vacation is not legally required but is standard for long-term placements in Los Angeles. Most families offer one to two weeks of paid vacation after one year. Accrued vacation must be paid out upon termination.
How do I prevent nanny burnout?
Define the role clearly, maintain reasonable and predictable hours, give advance notice for schedule changes, recognize good work specifically and regularly, and conduct structured check-ins where the nanny can raise concerns safely. Burnout builds slowly from accumulated small things, not one dramatic event.
What should I do if my nanny and child are not bonding?
Most children take two to four weeks to warm up to a new nanny. If there is no genuine connection by six weeks, have a direct conversation about what you are observing and what they can try differently. If the pattern continues, involve your placement agency before the guarantee window expires.
How do I keep a great nanny long-term?
Competitive pay, consistent communication, clear boundaries, and genuine appreciation are the biggest factors. Annual raises (3 to 5% is standard), acknowledging milestones, and giving adequate notice of schedule changes all contribute to long-term retention.
When should I give my nanny a raise?
Annually is the standard. A 3 to 5% increase is typical; more if their responsibilities have expanded or the market rate has moved. Cost of living in Los Angeles means staying competitive is important to retain experienced candidates.
What are the signs of nanny burnout?
Reduced engagement with the children, increased sick days, shorter communication, arriving late or leaving early. Burnout often stems from unclear expectations, insufficient breaks, or feeling undervalued. Early conversations usually resolve it before it becomes a resignation.
How do I handle disagreements with my nanny professionally?
Address issues directly and early rather than letting them build. Use a private setting, focus on specific behaviors not character, and listen to their perspective. Many families benefit from a written work agreement that covers expectations in advance.
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